Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

Story--PLEASE CRITIQUE by ~levinnac:iconlevinnac:



Chapter One

People are so dumb[italicized]. Mailynne glared at the clock, trying to scare it into moving faster. So far her attempts had been futile. The obnoxious giggling of the girls behind her had been unbearable ten minutes ago, now they were sheer torture. The news of new students had been the latest gossip all day, and she was tired of hearing it. As she tapped her foot impatiently, she imagined what it would be like if were to “accidently” throw her text book, hitting the two girls in the head hard enough to knock them out for the rest of the hour. Finally, the lunch bell rang, bringing Mailynne her salvation with its recorded tones. Quickly, she gathered her things and was the first one out the door, desperate to get away from the annoyance of her classmates. Unfortunately her salvation did not come; every girl in the hall was gossiping and blushing at every new description of the "gorgeous new arrivals."

With the doors to heaven and hell (a.k.a. the lunch room) in her sights, Mailynne quickened her pace, longing for a short reprieve from her ultimate suffering known as school. Then out of nowhere the angel of death appeared, blocking the door; the skies turned black and flames burst from the floor where she stood as she spread her gruesome wings and spoke through sharp, spear-like teeth.

“Hey Mailynne, nice…umm…clothes.”

Mailynne glanced down at her ratty, old, long-sleeved shirt and her dirty jeans. She could feel the blood rush to her cheeks under the glare of the steely-grey eyes.

“What do you want Lauren,” she asked, lowering her head in order to hide her crimson cheeks.

“Have you seen the new kids yet?”

“No, why?”

“Oh, nothing. Just wondering.”

Her vague question seemed innocent enough, but Mailynne knew better. Lauren had undeniably meant to make Mailynne squirm, and she had undeniably succeeded. With her head bent down into her books, she quickly scuttled toward her usual table through the massive jungle of the cafeteria, only to discover Lauren’s ulterior motive.

Her usual table had been commandeered by a tiny, feminine body with long, silky blonde hair, and two gorgeous male specimens that were mindlessly picking at their food. The one male had wide shoulders and a slim body, almost to the point of lankiness, causing his clothes to pull tight across his shoulders and hang lose everywhere else. His dark chocolate colored hair was cut short into a sort of a bowl cut that was forced into flips and curly-cues due to the natural curliness of his hair. His melancholy eyes stared blankly out of hazel irises into oblivion, the bored expression and the slight crookedness of his nose adding to the loveliness of his long face.

The other male, in great contrast to his companion, looked as if he’d once been part a mountain that had broken off and become a person. His large biceps seemed to explode from the short sleeves of his shirt, and Mailynne wondered if his blood could flow to the large extremities. His strong jaw moved slowly, as if it was whispering sweet nothings on a warm summer’s night. With a flip of his head, he swept his auburn curls out of his startling green eyes that intriguingly stared into Mailynne’s rich brown pools of chocolate.

“Can we help you miss,” he asked, a native French accent coloring his voice. The other boy immediately looked at her, stolen away from his daydreams by his companion’s sweet voice. The cold glare full of contempt caught Mailynne off guard and caused her cheeks to blot with red pigmentation. The female turned around in her chair to look inquisitively at the figure standing behind her. The deep violet eyes that examined Mailynne with excitement matched the shock of purple in her sweeping bangs. A brilliant smile illuminated her perfect, pixie face as if she were reunited with a long lost friend.

“Would you like to join us?” The simple statement dripped with excitement and anticipation. The smaller male turned his glare upon his female companion, but the larger one donned a warm, welcoming smile.

“Umm…well….”

“Sit down, I insist,” she said, scooting over in her chair and patting the empty space next to her. Mailynne hesitated, sensing that she was not wanted by all members of the group.

“I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. Now sit.”
Mailynne obeyed the command, more afraid of the hard gleam in the girl’s violet eyes than her brother’s steely glare. The large one’s smile never left his face, but his darting eyes gave away his apprehension.

“Please excuse Claire for her rudeness; I’m afraid it’s in her nature. My name is Jacque, and this intimidating fellow beside me is our brother, Jacob,” he said, breaking the tense silence with his beautiful French voice. The one named Jacob transferred his glare from Claire to Jacque.

“Mailynne.”

“Un plaisir de vous rencontrer. A pleasure to meet you, Mailynne.”

“Le plaisir est tout le mien. The pleasure is all mine.”

“Parlez-vous le français?” (Do you speak French?)

“Beaucoup ainsi.” (Very much so.)

“Oh! Quel le bonheur c'est!” (Ah! What bliss this is!) He threw his hands in the air, whooping with joy, and then turned to his brother. “Ce n'est pas passionnant, le frère?”

“English please, Jacque.” Jacob’s icy tone matched his icy glare.

“My apologies. Is this not exciting, brother?”

“No, not really.”

“Michael, if you can’t say anything nice, you can’t say anything at all,” Claire chided, her eyes flashing an evil glare at her brother. Their eyes met and locked into an internal struggle, creating an atmosphere so thick with tension Mailynne felt as if she could cut through the air with a knife. She glanced over at Jacque whom flashed a smile, apologizing with his eyes.

I like him. [italiczed]

“Jacob Andrew Heighting, you will never say anything like that ever again! Leave! Now!”

Mailynne jumped at the sound of Claire’s angry voice. The whole cafeteria turned and stared while Jacque tried to calm his siblings, trying to keep a fight from breaking out. But, despite his soft whispers, Jacob and Claire continued to glare at each other. Mailynne couldn’t help but feel responsible for this, and wanted nothing more but to run away. The three siblings didn’t notice as Mailynne slipped away from the table, out of the cafeteria, and down the hall to her next class: French.

~*~*~*~

Monsieur Badour paid no attention to Mailynne as she scurried into her seat ten minutes before the bell rang; it was a common occurrence. At one time he used to ask questions, but by now he knew the answers. Every day it was the same routine, and her answers to his inquisitions never changed. Every day Mailynne was fine. Every day she was having a good day. Every day her classmates were treating her nicely. Every day Monsieur Badour accepted the lies he knew to be falsehoods, and every night he was plagued by the longing to help her. But, every day he lost his nerve and turned a blind eye as she came into class ten minutes early with the tragic look of loneliness in her eyes.

The young teacher grew more and more concerned as his star pupil began to show signs of hunger. At the beginning of the year, she had been a little chubby, now her slightly tan cheeks had begun to concave in, and her clavicle had begun to jut out in an unnatural way. Her once shining, honey brown hair had grown dull and darker as her clothes began to fit looser; acne had begun to overrun her face, hiding its beauty, and her pale rose lips were cracked and bitten.
©2009 ~levinnac
:iconlevinnac:

Author's Comments

this is a story i'm starting

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
No comments have been added yet.

Details

March 24
8.1 KB

Statistics

0
0
27 (0 today)
0 (0 today)

Site Map